“I need a little affection… I’m blond & cute… I’ll be waiting….” This vaguely titillating ad–mild by the steamy standards of the sexually provocative personals posted on the busy site Craigslist–isn’t really news. Except the “woman” for whom it was posted is nine years old.
No, this isn’t a story about a precocious pre-pubescent run amok on the Internet. The nine year old in question is a victim of a strange strain of cyber-bullying. It’s the alleged perpetrator that could give your blood pressure a run for its money. Forty-year Long Island mom, Margery Tannenbaum –whose daughter apparently got into some sort of fourth grade dust-up with a classmate–decided to use the site to exact revenge on the girl’s “rival.”
Tannenbaum, who–get this–is a licensed social worker (which means, among other things, she should know better to the nth degree), is headed to trial on charges of aggravated harassment and endangering the welfare of a minor, both misdemeanors. The misguided mom has been mum since her arrest last July; but her lawyer maintains her innocence.
Here’s how her alleged scheme worked: she posted the ad, using the fetching e-mail address lacethong23@yahoo.com for responses. Once libidinous lads replied, she forwarded the girl’s name and phone number. According to CBS’ Channel 2 News in New York City, a total of forty calls came into the girl’s house, twenty-two of them on one single hot and steamy day alone. Fortunately, the girl’s parents intercepted all the calls, so her emotional scarring may be kept to a minimum.
After one guy mentioned the girl’s name, her mom said, “this is her mother, can I help you?”
The guy retorted: “The hot lady lives with foxy mama?”
Mom replied: “The “hot lady” you’re talking about is nine years old.”
That call–and presumably the dozens of others–ended with a dial tone. But what do Tannebaum’s actions say about passive-aggressive parenting in the interactive age?
There have always been bully parents: the loud over zealous little league dads, the pushy stage moms, the petulant PTA parents. But as annoying ( and sometimes downright dangerous) as these characters can be, at least you can identify them. With the elaborate digital system of smoke and mirrors the Internet provides, people can slink around, covertly reeking havoc on the lives of others, often without fear of detection. Of course, there are cyber sleuths who can probably capture all but the savviest of such bullies.
But the presumptive anonymity the Internet offers is very alluring to some people, providing them with a protective cover, a place to create fantasy lives, play out roles they could never imagine in the real world. Such activities have gotten all sorts of folks in trouble with their significant others and in some cases, the law. We’ve all seen those “To Catch a Predator” Dateline episodes.
And remember the creepy case of Lori Drew, the Missouri mom who went on trial after she created a fake MySpace page, using it to taunt a fragile teen Megan Meier with love notes from a cyber-generated imaginary boyfriend? After the virtual love went sour, and a series of flat-out cruel comments were left to linger, the distraught girl committed suicide. Drew–who initially faced manslaughter charges and convicted of a lesser charge– eventually got her case tossed on a technicality. But she was–rightfully–tarred and feathered in the public square of media scrutiny.
Tannenbaum’s case is far less serious since no one died, and hopefully the little girl will be left largely unscathed. But her devious plot speaks to her inability to communicate effectively and parent properly. I mean what sort of example does this set for her own daughter? And, by the way, just how much did the girl know about her mom’s scheme?
Clearly, the healthiest and most sensible tact to take would have been to have her daughter constructively confront the other girl. If that had been tried to no avail, parental intervention along the conventional lines of contacting the teacher, principal, and/or the other girl’s parents would be in order. Given Tannenbaum’s training and profession, such a “normal” approach should have been a no-brainer.
Speaking of her professional status, the Suffolk County D.A. is looking into Tannenbaum’s license to practice social work. So along with criminal penalties–which, ( if she’s convicted) will probably amount to some sort of fine and probation–she could face career problems. And with neighbors up in arms, she may also want to move. So Tannenbaum may wind up looking for a new job, a new house, oh and some personal counseling services might come in handy, too. Good thing she knows her way around Craigslist.
Yes, that’s why we need parenting classes – and the people that really need it never show up. This is becoming a very sick world very quickly.
Is Technology to blame?????
This story is chilling and Ms Tannenbaum needs help – to say the very least. However, technically, it is not cyberbullying as she and the 9 year old are not peers.