Satire: “Stephen Hawking Speaks Out Against (Illegal) Aliens”
By Randie Johnson, Guest NJP Writer
PLANET EARTH — Stephan Hawking joined the ongoing debate over the Arizona immigration legislation today with the release of a new Discovery Channel Documentary entitled, “Alien Invasion.”
In the new documentary Hawking points out that given the vastness of our planet, intelligent life is almost certain to have evolved outside of America’s borders. “Alien life,” said Hawking, “is almost certain to exist outside of the United States, not only in cities, but possibly in rural areas or mountains as well.”
The new documentary contains CGI created animations of what Hawking and others believe aliens might look like, with different colors of skin and wearing LA dodgers t-shirts. Another digitally created representation shows an alien resembling a scruffy bearded man wearing a beret with a star on it looking to the horizon.
“These scenes are merely speculative,” explains Hawking, but he believes they serve to make an important point. Intelligent aliens may pose a threat.
“Not only could they bring with them smallpox, illicit drugs, and nuclear weapons,” explains Hawking, but they are likely, “traveling across the deserts in order to use up our most valuable resource: low paying jobs.”
Hawking points out that given this scenario, trying to make contact with aliens is a little too risky. “I think the outcome would be much as when segregation ended and black people started using our drinking fountains. It didn’t end too well for the white people.”