Introducing: The Tea Party Guide to American History

by Phil N. Molé

Hi Patriots:

Tired of textbooks written by liberals who wipe their muddy feet on the American flag and won’t be happy until all of our children are vegetarian, atheist, and gay? Then order the new ‘Tea Party Guide to American History,” and save your child from the siren call of socialist homosexuality.

This book will teach your children no more or less than what they need to know to be able to have a defiant, admirably unreflective perspective on their country’s history. Things like this:

American Prehistory:

In 6,000 BC, the land containing the present-day United States was created, by God. Large masses of land surrounding the current Unites States were also created, for purposes known only in heaven.

The land containing the United States was designated for a special purpose by God – a future safe haven for the teachings of Jesus, and a place where women shouldn’t be able to get abortions and men should never use condoms. However, God’s plan is marred when pockets of original sin develop in parts of the northeastern and Midwestern states and in present-day California – these will later become “blue” states.

Colonial Days and Witch Trials

Everyone prayed to God at this time and everything was peaceful. There were those witch trials in 1692, but liberals have made too much of that. No one has told the story about how the witches persecuted the other colonists, so that’s obvious liberal bias right there. And many more people were killed in Europe in witchcraft persecutions, so really, the fact that we only killed 20 makes us look pretty good. Honestly, nothing to worry about here.

Indians, aka “Native Americans”

This is as good of a time as any to address the fact that there were people here before the European settlers arrived, namely, Indians. Some people call them “Native Americans,” but that’s a contradiction in terms, because America is a land of immigrants – you selfish, unpatriotic asshole Indians.

Revisionist, America-hating liberals try to make it look like there were lots of Indians here who had a complex, vibrant culture, so we’d feel ashamed of ourselves for taking their land and eliminating them. But there totally weren’t that many. And according to the earliest documented evidence we’ve seen of their culture (a John Ford film made in Hollywood in the 1930s), these Indians really don’t come off well at all.

Plus, haven’t we already paid enough homage to Indian culture? We’ve named subdivisions of retirement communities after them, and little league and professional sports teams, and we like drinking beer when a sports mascot in an Indian costume dances during halftime. What more do these ungrateful people want?

(Insert advertisement for Fly Rite American Flag Detergent, for getting the tough blood and spleen stains out of your American flag. Our motto: “Our colors don’t run!”)

The Revolutionary War and Early Days of the Republic

Series of illustrations: George Washington and the cherry tree, George Washington in battle, and the American flag, flying high against a blue sky background. Take a moment to reflect on these images, and feel warm and good inside. This concludes the lesson on the Revolutionary Era.

The Constitution originally included references to the Virgin Mary and Jesus, but those have been taken out by liberals trying to prove the country is not founded on Christianity. Here’s proof: Go right up to the next liberal you see and ask him what he did with the Virgin Mary, and watch his response. That flustered look says it all, doesn’t it?

Civil War

The War of Yankee Aggression, waged against helpless Southern states who only wanted limited government, states rights, and a nice sip of sweet tea. It wasn’t about slavery, and in fact, so-called slaves were better treated than most white males are – a trend that continues today. Slavery was possibly a little racist, in retrospect. But slavery ended with the Civil War, and so did racism.

World War II

There was a World War before this, and America won it.

We won this one, too, but liberals keep whining about the fact that so many Japanese Americans were interned in camps. But eye witnesses at the time swear that all of the Japanese who were relocated looked A LOT like the perpetrators of the Pearl Harbor attacks. More disturbingly, they were sometimes overheard speaking a language that did not appear to be English. There were no more Pearl Harbor attacks after the internment – think about that. But don’t think about it too long and don’t ask any follow-up questions.

Civil Rights Movement

OK, so there was a little racism that hung around after slavery ended. But this Martin Luther King guy came along and totally ended it for good. It wasn’t through attempts to end legalized discrimination against people of color, like housing discrimination and school segregation, because that was just big government in action, and it was all done wrong. It should’ve all just been done with speeches, like the kind King gave in “I Have a Dream,” which is significant because it influenced Glenn Beck. Also, after white people listened to that speech, they never again gave black people a hard time about anything.

Well, there was the assassination of MLK soon afterward, of course. But since racism ended thanks to MLK, assassin James Earl Ray by definition could NOT have been motivated by racism when he shot MLK. He was just a crazy guy with a gun, and no one else thought remotely like him, anywhere.

And of course, his assassination of King also does NOT show that we need tougher gun control laws in our country. Guns save lives. If King himself had been armed with an AK-47, he’d still be alive today.

Feminism and Women’s Liberation

Paved the way for Michele Bachmann and Sarah Palin, but otherwise an unmitigated disaster. Across the country, dinners languish uncooked, and undersexed men were forced to cheat or to visit prostitutes, which they never would have done otherwise, because men are awesome. And lots of women begin talking about how they want men to show their “feelings.” We’d been TRYING to show you how we felt, but then you passed sexual harassment laws.

A growing number of men find themselves in need of both food and of safe places to objectify women. To satisfy these needs, the restaurant chain Hooters would eventually be established.

The Reagan Years

For 8 years, all poverty and violence in the United States end. And Reagan says ‘tear down this wall” and the Berlin wall comes down. Millions of sick children are also healed by touching the hem of Reagan’s slacks, and the crumbs from Reagan’s table miraculously feed millions more. And there was this time that a little boy was cornered by a bear, and the bear was really big and mean and was totally going to eat the boy, but then Reagan swooped down out of nowhere and simply smiled, and the bear stopped being mean and licked the little boy and gave him honey instead.

The Clinton Years

George H.W. Bush was president before this, but nothing really happened. Clinton gets a blow job, and this shows the public that this is what is wrong with liberalism. It always, inherently, leads to extra-marital, taxpayer subsidized blow jobs.

Obama’s Presidency

Barack Hussein Obama is elected president, showing yet again that racism in America has ended.

He proceeds to destroy America with his Kenyan anti-imperialist, Islamophilic socialist agenda. The Constitution is ground into a fine powder and snorted up Obama’s nose, and Christ and all of the apostles are punched in the face. In response, the Tea Party movement is born to restore America’s purity. This chapter comprises 80% of the total book.

As a companion to the book, we also offer an “I Want My Country Back!” protest kit that includes a stylish slave costume, a DVD of Obama’s greatest bloopers, and a pitchfork and torch.

As a tie-in with your students science classes, we also offer a book burning experiment kit. Students can mass books such as “Fahrenheit 451,” “Their Eyes Were Watching God,” “Brave New World,” and “The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn” on the enclosed scale, and then burn the books in the included oven. Then, they mass the ashes. The difference in mass before and after the burning is the amount of evil the book contained.

History is too important to be left to people who’ve read history books to teach. Take our history back, and our country back, by ordering now!!

Editor’s note – before Poe’s Law is invoked, the previous message is indeed satire that illustrates a dangerous historical revisionism prevalent in certain circles today.


123 Responses to Introducing: The Tea Party Guide to American History

  1. -68 Vote -1 Vote +1Bilgeman
    October 3, 2010 at 8:44 pm

    Next time you try your hand at satire, it might behoove your readers if you insert asterisks or bullet points in the places where the mirth should ensue.

    • +54 Vote -1 Vote +1Ole Ole Olson
      October 3, 2010 at 9:42 pm

      I suspect you just don’t have a sense of humor.

      • -40 Vote -1 Vote +1Bilgeman
        October 4, 2010 at 4:29 am

        I laugh at what YOU write…quite a lot., actually.

        • +25 Vote -1 Vote +1Ole Ole Olson
          October 4, 2010 at 2:05 pm

          As long as you’re reading it, but somehow I suspect you’re just one of those ‘read the headline and make a snap judgment’ people.

          • -49 Vote -1 Vote +1Bilgeman
            October 4, 2010 at 2:20 pm

            What, and miss all the funny stuff you write?
            Glenn Beck’s Latest Sermon,(Restore Honor Rally), only drew 87,000 people”


            No, O-cubed, I threw away 5 minutes of my life reading that hateful and feeble moonbat attempt at humor.

            • +15 Vote -1 Vote +1Ole Ole Olson
              October 4, 2010 at 7:21 pm

              The most reliable sources out there say that was the attendance, but believe what you want. Cognitive dissonance is a curious condition.

              • +1 Vote -1 Vote +1Cru
                October 7, 2010 at 8:21 am

                And.. owned. Cognitive dissonance ftw.

              • Vote -1 Vote +1N. Richardson
                October 7, 2010 at 8:52 am

                god told you, is that your reliable source?

            • -1 Vote -1 Vote +1Thad
              October 6, 2010 at 4:41 pm

              Haha, “moonbat”.

              Now THAT is hilarity.

    • +6 Vote -1 Vote +1James
      October 6, 2010 at 5:26 pm

      Ole Ole Olson nailed it on the head.

    • +13 Vote -1 Vote +1freesur
      October 7, 2010 at 4:12 am

      You gotta be kidding me! You need asterisks? You are probably the only person that enjoys the canned laughter in sitcoms–to tell you when it’s funny. 🙂

    • +9 Vote -1 Vote +1Alivin
      October 7, 2010 at 9:07 am

      “women begin talking about how they want men to show their “feelings.” We’d been TRYING to show you how we felt, but then you passed sexual harassment laws.”

      Come on, no matter what your political views, you have to admit that one is funny.

  2. +11 Vote -1 Vote +1cgb
    October 3, 2010 at 9:22 pm

    I thought it was funny.

    • +1 Vote -1 Vote +1liberated
      October 7, 2010 at 9:38 am

      me too

  3. +9 Vote -1 Vote +1Martha
    October 4, 2010 at 7:19 am

    Such an intensely ironic take on such an intensely hypocritical ‘all is well’ mindset is a desperately needed return to reality.

    Of course, political satire is tricky because it can be difficult to speak about the talking head without the talking head feeling its intelligence is being insulted and averting the shock of recognition.


  4. +7 Vote -1 Vote +1spot on
    October 4, 2010 at 12:43 pm

    It’s spot on and that’s pathetic.

    • -19 Vote -1 Vote +1Bilgeman
      October 4, 2010 at 2:21 pm

      And just how many TEA Party patriots do you PERSONALLY know?

      • +10 Vote -1 Vote +1jman
        October 4, 2010 at 6:58 pm

        I unfortunately know many and this is pretty spot on.

      • +9 Vote -1 Vote +1Ole Ole Olson
        October 4, 2010 at 7:23 pm

        a more appropriate term would be Tea Party *nationalists*, since so many of the things they push for are anti-American.

      • +7 Vote -1 Vote +1tort
        October 5, 2010 at 2:33 pm

        “TEA Party patriots”
        This is a trick question like “Which side fo the border do you bury survivors on?” Obviously the correct answer is “there are no “TEA Party patriots” so it impossible to know any.” (Its an oxymoron, see?)

        • +1 Vote -1 Vote +1liberated
          October 7, 2010 at 9:41 am

          hey is this more satire disguised as serious commentary?

      • +1 Vote -1 Vote +1Alivin
        October 7, 2010 at 9:08 am

        Most of my family, and I agree that this is an excellent satire of their views.

      • Vote -1 Vote +1liberated
        October 7, 2010 at 9:39 am

        I know several

      • +1 Vote -1 Vote +1StevePi
        October 7, 2010 at 11:19 am

        Tea Party Patriot seems like an oxymoron since you need to think to really be a patriot.

  5. -6 Vote -1 Vote +1Don
    October 4, 2010 at 4:54 pm

    I am opposed to immigration “reform” (amnesty). This country is overpopulated, and 21 million Americans are out of work.

    • +2 Vote -1 Vote +1Josh
      October 5, 2010 at 2:03 am

      There are a lot of ideas for immigration reform, but sending back 15 million illegal aliens is not an option being discussed because it is impossible. If there were amnesty it would make little difference to the numbers of immigrants. As long as businesses have a demand for cheap labor here in America, immigrants will come no matter the legality of it. Don’t think that you can beat the power of the free market by passing a law. And America is one of the least densely populated countries when compared with its size.

      • +3 Vote -1 Vote +1Jeffersonian
        October 5, 2010 at 7:18 am

        Well, maybe litterally rounding up 15 million people would be impossible but holding employers responsible would be. Making it easy is what got us where we’re at now. The Liberals want the illigals as constituants because the actually draw more from the system than they actually contribute and therefore fit class struggle platform. The Capitalists want them because they’re cheap labor. Many conservatives don’t have a problem with immigration as long as its legal. It takes too long? Tough $hit. BTW, I’m a law abiding latino. Cheers.

      • -19 Vote -1 Vote +1Bilgeman
        October 5, 2010 at 9:36 am

        “…but sending back 15 million illegal aliens is not an option being discussed because it is impossible.”

        Oh, really?
        Says who?

        May I remind you that Nazi Germany, using only 1940’s technology, did something almost exactly similar, identifying a target population, sequestering them, and then deporting them en masse.

        And the Nazis accomplished this not only while fighting and losing a World War, but also in occupied nations, where not all the native populations were amenable to the Nazis’ extermination program.

        Looked at purely as a logistical exercise, it was stupefyingly monumental masterpiece.

        Now deporting illegal aliens is certainly not the same as committing genocide…they;re just being sent home.

        And we don;t have enemy bombers flying overhead targeting our transportation infrastructure.

        And we are one country, with the Federal government arrogating to itself the final legal say in immigration policy.

        So do me a favor and don’t declare that “it can’t be done”.

        It can. The question is: Will it?

        • +14 Vote -1 Vote +1Bob
          October 5, 2010 at 4:20 pm

          Did… did you seriously just praise and wish for a massive plan used by Hitler himself?

          That is so hilarious coming from a Wing Nut

          • -8 Vote -1 Vote +1Bilgeman
            October 5, 2010 at 6:43 pm

            Are you such a brainwashed partisan moonbat that you have rendered yourself unable to look at the thing from a POV that simply recognizes the enormous logistical difficulties that were overcome?

            S’okay…I understand that you have been programmed to love illegal aliens unconditionally, and are simply reacting to my having pointed out the fact that deporting all of them from America is perfectly feasible.

            Now lower your head back in your trough and chew your government-issued turnip.

            • +3 Vote -1 Vote +1Thad
              October 6, 2010 at 4:42 pm

              “Are you such a brainwashed partisan moonbat that you have rendered yourself unable to look at the thing from a POV that simply recognizes the enormous logistical difficulties that were overcome?”

              No, he just knows HOW those logistical difficulties were overcome.

            • +4 Vote -1 Vote +1liberated
              October 7, 2010 at 9:44 am

              hey I want a turnip

          • -13 Vote -1 Vote +1Bilgeman
            October 5, 2010 at 6:52 pm

            And, just out of curiosity, do you think “Hitler” when you see a “No Smoking” sign?

            The Nazis were the first to realize the negative health effects of smoking.

            Somehow, I reckon that you’re down with supporting THAT bit of the Nazi agenda.

            And “gun-control”…The Nazis were very much in favor of banning private ownership of firearms…

            But again, that’s okay in Moonbat World, isn’t it?

            • +6 Vote -1 Vote +1Martha
              October 6, 2010 at 6:27 am

              Given the horrific medical experiments and the murder of hundreds of thousands with medical conditions and children with disabilities, it is likely irrelevant to anyone concerned with public health that Nazi Germany happened to be the location of the science first linking smoking and lung cancer.

              What do you imagine was the motivation? Hint: It was not a general concern for the welfare of all human beings (or the basic freedoms of Germans, for that matter).

              Don’t confuse what we know about Hitler’s preoccupation with his personal health and his obsession with the purity of Nazi Germany, with anything seriously related to a general concern with the human condition or the public health of Germans.

              Clearly you are also uninformed regarding the history and context of firearm restrictions in Germany.

              I encourage you to increase your knowledge and understanding.

              • -4 Vote -1 Vote +1Bilgeman
                October 6, 2010 at 7:15 am

                “What do you imagine was the motivation? Hint: It was not a general concern for the welfare of all human beings (or the basic freedoms of Germans, for that matter).”

                The Allied naval blockade.

                But I don;t hear people howling “NAZI!” when they see a “No Smoking” sign…you?

                “I encourage you to increase your knowledge and understanding.”

                I encourage you stick to the point or STFU/

            • Vote -1 Vote +1James
              October 6, 2010 at 5:24 pm

              Ridiculous troll is ridiculous.

            • +2 Vote -1 Vote +1Rahrah14
              October 7, 2010 at 9:00 am

              Never have I witnessed such profligate use of the word “moonbat”!

        • +6 Vote -1 Vote +1teabag
          October 6, 2010 at 4:47 pm

          You are a perfect poster child for the tea bag movement, twisted…

        • +8 Vote -1 Vote +1Marcos El Malo
          October 6, 2010 at 6:14 pm

          This is pretty typical of the racist wing of the anti-illegal immigration movement. Bilge and his ilk would give up his liberty and bankrupt the country just to get rid of the damn illegal immigrants.

          This conservative thinks that is unAmerican and disgusting. Folks, not all conservatives are like Bilge. It’s just the noisy nut cases and religious fanatics that have hijacked the movement makes it seem that way.

        • +1 Vote -1 Vote +1N. Richardson
          October 7, 2010 at 9:11 am

          I feel so sad for you Mr Bilgmann. You obviously have great love and respect for Chancellor Hitler and the wonderful things he tried to do for the world.

          • -2 Vote -1 Vote +1Bruce
            October 7, 2010 at 8:36 pm

            So do you, in all likelyhood.

            As do I, I support anti-smoking efforts and I support Economic Stimulus.

            Does that mean I support everything Hitler did? No. But the guys point was pretty simple, and that’s that it is logistically possible to deport a large number of people. I don’t support that at all. I think any limits on immigration is racist, and support open borders. But I see the point of Bilgeman’s argument and all of you guys jumping all over him are just taking stupid cheap shots.

        • +1 Vote -1 Vote +1SLCFan
          October 7, 2010 at 9:20 am

          Um, based on your response I would like to reiterate the question at hand, which is NOT “Will it be done?” But rather, “Should it be done?”

          Your poor choice of historical context represents what is so unnerving about the new conservative movements. I think that what the Nazi’s represented in the 1940’s is equally terrifying as what they did. It is not only that they murdered their victims, it is that they chose to single out a demographic and persecute them for no other reason than they were Jewish. Their actions were terrible, but the philosophy behind their actions is equally deplorable.

          • -2 Vote -1 Vote +1Bruce
            October 7, 2010 at 8:39 pm

            Don’t be a numbskull.

            The New York Times of all papers ran a well written editorial pointing out that Hitler did an effective economic stimulus. Using Hitler’s policies as positive examples is not a conservative vs. liberal thing.

            Anyway I think this Bilgeman just enjoys arguing with people. He uses the most inflammatory example at every turn.

        • +2 Vote -1 Vote +1Circle City
          October 9, 2010 at 10:22 am

          You’re a moron. Hitler didn’t “deport” millions of people. Auschwitz was in Poland. Most of the Jews killed there were Polish. The Jews of Austria and the Ukraine were slaughtered in Transnitria. Many were killed on the spot, marched out of their towns, forced to dig their own graves, and shot, often while holding their children to save the bullet.

          They “encouraged” the locals to identify Jews in hiding by murdering local leaders.

          Does this really sound like a good plan to you?

          Moron. No, strike that. Make it, Evil Moron.

    • +7 Vote -1 Vote +1Light
      October 6, 2010 at 5:24 pm

      There may be millions out of work, but I’ll bet hardly any of them will go move sprinkler pipe, or stay out the entire night cleaning toilettes. Or, how about bagging fish guts or manure? Do you honestly know any of those millions who would preform such work? The immigrants have earned reform – let them have it.

      • Vote -1 Vote +1Bob
        October 7, 2010 at 3:46 am

        All we have to do is dump the welfare mentality so prevalent in this country. Once the welfare trough is removed, the recipients can take menial jobs now held by ILLEGAL ALIENS or they can starve. Prison time for companies who hire ILLEGAL ALIENS would be a good start! we would lose the ILLEGAL ALIENS by attrition.

        • +3 Vote -1 Vote +1N. Richardson
          October 7, 2010 at 10:56 am

          Bob that is, with out question, one of the most inane responses I have ever seen. Farms, Football Teams, most southern states and most corporations, are by far the biggest recipients of “welfare”.

          The impoverished Americans receive far less than 1% of our pay out.

          • -3 Vote -1 Vote +1Bruce
            October 7, 2010 at 8:41 pm

            What are you talking about?

            Medicare and Social Security comprise most of the federal budget. That means most of our tax money goes to pay for them.

            And I’m a liberal too, you just have your facts all ass backwards.

            • +1 Vote -1 Vote +1Martha
              October 8, 2010 at 7:12 am

              “Medicare and Social Security comprise most of the federal budget. That means most of our tax money goes to pay for them.”

              No, combined it is still presently less than half. If we separate spending into categories, the largest amount is spent on defense, and this is well known.

              Of course, in future, government will have to cut back on its discretionary militarism in order to continue to fund health care and social security; and will have to figure out how to cope with the decline of the United States as a unilaterally dominant economic power.


    • +1 Vote -1 Vote +1SteveO
      October 8, 2010 at 3:35 pm

      My town has 900 people, I agree. Its so overpopulated I cant stand it..

  6. +4 Vote -1 Vote +1James
    October 4, 2010 at 5:32 pm

    One omission: Gay Rights Movement, in which selfish homosekshuals paraded their pervershuns in public: the less said about them, the better…

    ROFLMAO – such a great article!

  7. +4 Vote -1 Vote +1Circa
    October 4, 2010 at 6:20 pm

    If you’re mocking YEC’ers, then get your facts straight: they think the world is 6,000 years old, making the creation of earth around 4000 BC (I think their official date is in April of 4004 BC or something like that)

    • +4 Vote -1 Vote +1thezombiebot
      October 5, 2010 at 12:17 am

      YEC’s even argue with each other on how old the Earth is. It varies from 6,000 to 10,000 years old.

  8. -16 Vote -1 Vote +1Bilgeman
    October 4, 2010 at 7:09 pm


    “Your comment is awaiting moderation. ”


    Am I on “Double Secret Moderation” now?

    That wasn’t the case yesterday when I was enjoying O-cubed’s side-splittingly funny peculiar views on the One Nation/ Restore Honor rallies.

    “Moderate” away, dear comment flunkie person!

    • +1 Vote -1 Vote +1Ole Ole Olson
      October 4, 2010 at 7:26 pm

      When I read your comments, I always think of this

      Thanks for the O-cubed nickname though, I like it. Maybe that’ll be my new thing.

      • -5 Vote -1 Vote +1Bilgeman
        October 4, 2010 at 7:37 pm


        Think nothing of it.
        I can’t see your YouTube as my Norwegian net-nanny doesn’t allow streaming.
        Had to save the satellite bandwidth for the video feed from the ROV’s at the Macondo well.

        • +2 Vote -1 Vote +1Ole Ole Olson
          October 4, 2010 at 7:52 pm

          That’s too bad, it was only a 5 second clip.

        • +3 Vote -1 Vote +1James
          October 6, 2010 at 5:23 pm

          Grumpy troll is grumpy.

    • +1 Vote -1 Vote +1eric
      October 8, 2010 at 7:20 am

      That’s a seriously paranoid attitude, man. I mean, have you not participated in internet message threads before? Do you not understand that they are moderated — or, if what you’re complaining about is the fact that they’re moderated TODAY and weren’t YESTERDAY, that sometimes people ADD FEATURES TO WEBSITES?

      Dude: It’s really not all about you. Honest.

  9. Vote -1 Vote +1anddy
    October 4, 2010 at 10:23 pm

    Hello, you made a good blog post is also very good also hope you can come take a look at my blog thank

    • +3 Vote -1 Vote +1Thad
      October 6, 2010 at 4:44 pm

      I would just like to point out that people are even reacting more positively to the spambot than to Bilgeman.

  10. +1 Vote -1 Vote +1Spud
    October 5, 2010 at 3:26 am

    Please study the history of (Northern/)Ireland and apply the your talents; there’s two articles for you, one green, one orange.

  11. +1 Vote -1 Vote +1Jeffersonian
    October 5, 2010 at 7:21 am

    It was so far over the top that I figured out quickly that it was satire. The sad thing is that many on both sides won’t know how much of it was actually satire. I’m thinking that it was only .001% reality. The rest was for funny nonsense.

  12. +5 Vote -1 Vote
    October 5, 2010 at 9:47 am

    I prefer beer party to tea party babes.

  13. +3 Vote -1 Vote +1ohcomeon
    October 5, 2010 at 9:54 am

    Oh come on Bilgeman!! It was so obviously satire from the first paragraph. You indeed have no sense of humor!

    • -2 Vote -1 Vote +1Bilgeman
      October 5, 2010 at 3:56 pm

      Yes, it obviously is satire, but it isn’t funny.

      • +4 Vote -1 Vote +1Thad
        October 6, 2010 at 4:46 pm

        I think you’re probably satire too.

        I mean, honestly, praising nazis? It’s a little hard to believe you’re anything but a troll.

        • +3 Vote -1 Vote +1Dick
          October 6, 2010 at 8:02 pm

          Trolls eat the sleepy eyed fools that wander about.

      • +2 Vote -1 Vote +1freesur
        October 7, 2010 at 4:17 am

        Of course it’s not funny to a wingnut like yourself. You are probably the president of your local tea party. Let us know when you run out of posters depicting Obama as Hitler.

  14. Pingback:

    Vote -1 Vote +1Penny Stock Tips

  15. +2 Vote -1 Vote +1Richard Posner
    October 6, 2010 at 5:39 pm

    Well, it was pretty funny…if you think the Tea Baggers are funny.

    Given the level of response, I’d say we’re doomed. Humanity is apparently too stupid to survive.

    I’m going with the octopi…eight arms, big brains…and no chemistry.

  16. +1 Vote -1 Vote +1Authorized Liberty of the Liberal Authority
    October 6, 2010 at 6:41 pm

    We/I are/am trapped in our own minds,all We/I ever do is keep jumping out of the way of the mirror as fast as We/I can point the finger at it!

  17. +2 Vote -1 Vote +1no_dope
    October 6, 2010 at 7:04 pm

    why worry about fixing problems in gubmint when there’s FOOTBALL on the TV! did anybody hear what happened on jersey shore last night? there’s plenty more important things to worry about like what is that lady gaga going to wear next?! we all just need to get those fine men and women in washington some more marble buildings, mahogany desks, and armani suits stat!

  18. +1 Vote -1 Vote +1greybees
    October 6, 2010 at 7:17 pm

    From reading some emails here one could easily get the impression that the tea baggers are really neo-Nazis waving American flags. They seem to really admire the Fuhrer’s handling (death) of unwelcome residents. Just get in the the boxcar, Jose and Maria..Can you imagine this country if these fanatics ever took over the reins of government.

    • -2 Vote -1 Vote +1Bruce
      October 7, 2010 at 9:17 pm

      Right. Just like back in 2009 when the New York Times favored economic stimulus and pointed out it worked for Hitler. Obviously, that means the New York Times favors killing Jews. NOT.

      No one in this whole thread advocated Hitler’s race policy. One person did say that Hitler demonstrated it is logistically possible to deport a large number of people, an example in poor taste, but hardly an endorsement of Nazism (nor was the NYT endorsing Nazism when it endorsed stimulus or smoking bans).

      By the way, I’m a liberal. I just dislike fools who can’t keep their facts straight.

      • +1 Vote -1 Vote +1Martha
        October 8, 2010 at 7:05 am

        “No one in this whole thread advocated Hitler’s race policy. One person did say that Hitler demonstrated it is logistically possible to deport a large number of people, an example in poor taste, but hardly an endorsement of Nazism”

        “I dislike fools who can’t keep their facts straight”

        I think others appreciate that it is obviously not ‘logistically possible’ without ignoring all other considerations, and implementing a similar race policy.

        In your rush to see yourself as the smart one, you are overlooking what others both logically and intuitively grasped about the specifc comments and the political beliefs of the person making those comments.

        Besides being devoid of the most basic conceptual grasp, the person who made those comments also made numerous other comments that expressed contempt for others.

        It may be you who are having trouble sorting things out.

  19. -5 Vote -1 Vote +1Steve H
    October 6, 2010 at 10:33 pm

    Next time you try to be witty, at least have your facts right about what you think Conservatives do and do not believe. More importantly, if you’re going to tout liberalism, at the very least KNOW WHAT LIBERALS STAND FOR AND WHAT THEY HAVE BEEN RESPONSIBLE FOR HISTORICALLY.

    Your WWII reference is a perfect example. WHO exactly was responsible for the internment of Japanese? It wasn’t the Liberals complaining while the evil conservatives rounded all the Japanese up and put them in camps. Actually, it was much more the opposite. It was a liberal idea and the action taken to create camps and intern the Japanese (and others… I know, I know, actual history isn’t important… we can forget about the other nationalities that were imprisoned) was taken BY LIBERALS.

    Furthermore members of the tea party stand for more personal freedoms and civil liberties than any group of Liberals could ever begin to comprehend. Tea Party does not equal conservative.

    Lastly, you’re just using the age old liberal tactic of taking what YOU are actually doing, yelling and screaming about conservatives doing it, and pretending like it wasn’t your hand in the cookie jar to begin with. The sad thing is that it keeps working.

    • +8 Vote -1 Vote +1Ole Ole Olson
      October 6, 2010 at 10:52 pm

      If you are going to seriously claim that the Japanese were rounded up by “liberals” in WWII, you had better be prepared to back that up with some serious citations.

      Progressives like myself stand for freedom as well, and the sad part is, we could have worked together with libertarians to push our new government towards that end. However, your once grassroots Tea Party was ran over with conservative and corporate astroturf, and libertarians seemed more willing to join the obstructionists and fear mongerers than work with us on the left to restore liberties that were taken away by Republicans.

    • +5 Vote -1 Vote +1freesur
      October 7, 2010 at 4:36 am

      Apparently, only tea partiers are permitted to rewrite history. Liberals cannot. Tea partiers are presented with Obama’s birth certificate, which they say is fake. Tea partiers believe in the teachings of Glen Beck, a fearmonger who can “connect the dots” from the WTC bombing to Nazism to Obama.

      Tea partiers are not interested in real history. They stir up hate and fear to achieve their ends. While they would like to believe theirs is a grass roots movement, they are actually subsidized by corporate right-wing sponsors such as the Kochs. These sponsors don’t care what people believe, they just want a Republican in office to continue the same economic policies of GWB which ran the country into the ground, but enriched corporations.

      • Vote -1 Vote +1Tea, anyone?
        October 7, 2010 at 10:35 am

        Your comment, “Tea partiers are not interested in real history. They stir up hate and fear to achieve their ends.” is complete ignorance. Why, if Tea Partiers are not interested in real history, are real historical facts brought up in their communications in an effort to point out the errors of the “progressive” movement? It is because progressives have only seen one side of the story, and are therefore bound to repeat the negative portions of history. Progressives (socialists) are ramping up their attack of the Tea Party because they don’t want to believe their good ol’ Obama is the worst thing that has happened to the country.

        • +2 Vote -1 Vote +1eric
          October 8, 2010 at 7:24 am

          I keep hearing these words from tea partiers, “Real historical facts”. I do not think they mean what you think they mean.

    • +1 Vote -1 Vote +1Thad
      October 7, 2010 at 8:56 am

      “It wasn’t the Liberals complaining while the evil conservatives rounded all the Japanese up and put them in camps. Actually, it was much more the opposite. It was a liberal idea and the action taken to create camps and intern the Japanese (and others… I know, I know, actual history isn’t important… we can forget about the other nationalities that were imprisoned) was taken BY LIBERALS.”

      And noted liberal Michelle Malkin who wrote a book a couple of years ago about how it was a great idea and totally justified.

      • -1 Vote -1 Vote +1Bruce
        October 7, 2010 at 9:23 pm

        And? The point that this “tea party” history has little or nothing to do with what the tea party thinks stands.

        The “History” argues that conservatives decided to round up the Japanese – wrong.

        In reality, this tea party history is a fun-house mirror version of what one dumb-as-rocks liberal would like to believe tea party people believe.

        By the way, I’m a liberal as well. Just want to make that clear so if any tea party people do come across this page they’ll realize that not all liberals are political hacks out to totally mis-represent what they believe.

        • -1 Vote -1 Vote +1Bilgeman
          October 9, 2010 at 12:48 pm

          I’m not a TEA partier, but I appreciate your point.

          There are Liberals and then there are moonbats.

          You seem to be a Liberal…the rest of this cattle seem to be little else than barking moonbats.

          Political in order to be popular.

          I am on the short list to be the Commandant of the largest Moonbat Re-education Camp in the Palin Administration, so I’ll keep an eye out for you.

          Extra arugula and a Sunday latte for my trusties, y’know.

  20. -3 Vote -1 Vote +1dink
    October 6, 2010 at 11:54 pm

    The article reads like a sad attempt to copy comedy central. Satire is lost when your own extreme political bias bleeds through like post prom bed sheets.

    • +7 Vote -1 Vote +1freesur
      October 7, 2010 at 4:19 am

      dink is still riding the “straight talk express”. His bed sheets are stained because he fondles himself while watching Sara Palin. The article is hilarious.

      • -6 Vote -1 Vote +1Jacob
        October 7, 2010 at 7:25 am

        What are you riding? Leftist douche express?

        As long as you guys can continue to kill babies and make more of the worst music in the history of the planet though right? Just keep pumpin out that mindless crap music (it’s got a good beat!) and pretending you’re saving the world by getting scabies or gonorrhea when you’re out there completing the rituals that your religion demands (baby sacrifice and STD contraction).

  21. -9 Vote -1 Vote +1Jacob
    October 7, 2010 at 7:21 am

    Have you heard how now more than 90% of leftists are attending slut orgie parties where they all rip babies apart babies and then bathe in the blood of the innocent because they believe it will stretch out their wrinkly skin a little more so they can be “young and hip and beautiful” even into their 90s?

    As far as I know though they’ve been misled and murdering tens of millions of innocent children (while making them morally equal to Stalin and Mao) will NOT I repeat will NOT mean that you can be a hip 40 year old and go to a cool 20 something club and blend in…no everyone will notice your wrinkles despite your having dutifully done your part to preserve the genocide of American children (especially the black children that you community organizers care so much about).

  22. -10 Vote -1 Vote +1Jacob
    October 7, 2010 at 7:22 am

    Woke up this morning, threw more little dead cell carcasses in the trash…just a day in the life of a model leftist.

    • +2 Vote -1 Vote +1Rooty Tooty
      October 8, 2010 at 9:36 am

      Why yes, my day simply isn’t complete without at least ONE abortion. Sometimes I have 2 or 3 when I get that ‘not so fresh feeling.’

  23. +6 Vote -1 Vote +1wake up
    October 7, 2010 at 8:19 am

    but if you ask a tea partier if we are overpopulated with respect to climate change, we aren’t populated at all…then ask if we are overpopulated with respect to immigration, we are way overpopulated…it is the same as ignoring eight years of incompetence and then dumping everything on Obama…it is ludicrous, pseudopatriots are like false messiah or devil and will lead us down a sh*()hole…this summation of tea party revisionist history is, indeed, spot on…and we have these little rednec* rallies here all the time and they are infused with racisml; go to one ‘undercover’ and there is nothing of substance except anti obama.

    • -1 Vote -1 Vote +1Bruce
      October 7, 2010 at 9:35 pm

      Right. That’s why the tea party is also bucking the Republican establishment and electing people who are effectively unelectable and regularly repudiate many of Bush’s policies. Obviously, they just loved everything Bush did.

      Really? What is with my fellow liberals? Do you guys even care about facts? Why is it that when another protest movement comes along most so called “liberals” are willing to say anything to dump on them? Can’t you just say you disagree with their policies – or even totally disagree with them? Why is it necessary to pick out some protester with a racist sign and say the tea party as racist we are going to ignore everything else they have to say because they’re racist NA NA, I CAN’T HEAR YOU!!!

      I hate to say it, but the Media actually treated the anti-war movement more kindly. There were total kooks at anti-war rallies I went to (comparing Bush to Hitler etc.) but the media and even most conservatives didn’t paint all anti-war people as nut-jobs. However when it comes to the tea party, if you can get a bunch of pictures of people with racist signs, that means the whole tea party is a racist movement. What shallow idiocy.

      • Vote -1 Vote +1Bilgeman
        October 9, 2010 at 12:55 pm

        “Really? What is with my fellow liberals?”

        They are not your fellow Liberals, they’re moonbats…they are those kooks you ran into at your anti-war protests.

        “Do you guys even care about facts?”

        Draw your own conclusions. I think they are just group-thinking to be popular, frankly.

        “What shallow idiocy.”

        They seem to be a sizeable minority, if not an outright majority of Liberalism nowadays.

        Makes you think, doesn’t it?

  24. -10 Vote -1 Vote +1Jaybe
    October 7, 2010 at 8:26 am

    Oh my goodness, that was so clever. You are SO ironic. It’s funny and fun because you were being sarcastic and super simplified historical events and social issues in order to make fun of individuals with a different belief and perspective than you. I don’t believe anyone has done that before, that’s what makes you so clever! What an amazing article, you’re extremely talented 😀

  25. +4 Vote -1 Vote +1Kang
    October 7, 2010 at 8:46 am

    There’s an 8 year gap before Obama.. oh, I forgot, if we pretend those years didn’t happen, they didn’t happen.

  26. +2 Vote -1 Vote +1Duane Hanes
    October 7, 2010 at 8:49 am

    Insulting right wingers with the IQ of tepid bath water is “funner than a barrelful of monkeys.” And speaking of monkeys, although we are supposed to have evolved from the lesser hominids, the Tea Party demonstrates that they just ain’t that evolved. And worse, they’re proud of the intellect that puts them on par with marmosets.

  27. +4 Vote -1 Vote +1Lucas
    October 7, 2010 at 8:50 am

    You’re all strung way too tight. The best thing to come out of this article is something I firmly believe:

    “….liberalism. It always, inherently, leads to extra-marital, taxpayer subsidized blow jobs.”

    • +2 Vote -1 Vote +1liberated
      October 7, 2010 at 10:01 am

      I want my tax payer subsidized BJ. Is there a govt dept that I should contact? thank G for big govt if it means I get a BJ.

  28. Vote -1 Vote +1Rob Wardle
    October 7, 2010 at 9:17 am

    I had a great laugh. Thanks Paul 🙂

  29. +1 Vote -1 Vote +1Daniel R
    October 7, 2010 at 9:21 am

    Some basic facts:

    1. At the urging of many unions and liberal newspapers, Democratic President Franklin Delano Roosevelt authorized the internment of Japanese-American citizens with Executive Order 9066 on February 19, 1942. In 1944, liberal Chief Justice Harlan Fiske Stone’s Supreme Court upheld it’s constitutionality.

    2: In the Civil War, the Republican Northern States, lead by Republican President Abraham Lincoln, fought and prevailed against the Democratic Southern States, to force those Southern States to abandon their practise of slavery.

    • +1 Vote -1 Vote +1Kang
      October 7, 2010 at 9:27 am

      and therefore?……………

  30. +9 Vote -1 Vote +1Bob
    October 7, 2010 at 9:39 am

    The current Tea Party has no resemblance of the Movement that I joined in 2007 (yes, it started while Bush was in office). The group I belonged to think Glenn Beck is hurting this country, we think Palin is barely smarter than a rock, and yes, we were libertarian minded because we believed the national debt needs to be reigned in and we thought the war in Iraq was based on fraud. We were Democrats, Republicans, Libertarians, and independants working together.

    Then, Faux News and Palin started taking credit for the movement. They twisted the message to their own ends. It became an anti Obama movement. Right wing groups have taken it over and so I no longer consider myself a member of the Tea Party.

    • +2 Vote -1 Vote +1Bob
      October 7, 2010 at 9:40 am

      btw, I thought the article was hilarious.

      • Vote -1 Vote +1liberated
        October 7, 2010 at 10:04 am

        not too sure the Snowbilly is smarter than a rock but she may be denser

    • +1 Vote -1 Vote +1eric
      October 8, 2010 at 7:34 am

      i reckoned there were a lot of people like you in that first batch. your energy would be wasted there now. i may not agree with a lot of what you want, but you clearly try to think your way through the problems. good luck finding someplace to devote your energy to (and I hope you do).

  31. Vote -1 Vote +1abby
    October 7, 2010 at 10:42 am

    Okay, I’m pretty conservative and I thought this was damn funny.

  32. -1 Vote -1 Vote +1John Galt
    October 7, 2010 at 10:44 am

    At least Pravda writers had guns pointed at their heads – what’s this guy’s excuse for writing this crap?

  33. +1 Vote -1 Vote +1Cuebert
    October 7, 2010 at 11:50 am

    Daniel is apparently ignorant of the fact that when the ‘Republican’ party was formed ni Lincoln’s time, they were they progressinves (socialists), and the Democrats were the narrow minded conservatives. The two parties’ ideologies flipped around Theodore Roosevelt’s time (the last True Republican, anti-trust, conservation, etc.). Politicians change their stripes whenever the requirements of getting elected change. Modern Republicans who compare themselves to anyone before Taft are simply not being honest about their party’s ideological evolution (oh I forgot, you don’t believe in that either).

  34. Vote -1 Vote +1Evo1
    October 7, 2010 at 11:58 am

    As satire it’s funny and thought-provoking. However, it’s too bad that it also promotes the same kind of ignorant misrepresentation of facts and other people’s points of view that it accuses the Tea Partiers of. Ignorance after all is stil ignorance, no matter what end of the political spectrum it comes from.

    • -1 Vote -1 Vote +1Bruce
      October 7, 2010 at 9:44 pm

      Yup. The left in this country is just as broken, if not more so, than the right when it comes to honestly representing your opponents intentions.

      At leas the anti-war movement was treated with some degree of fairness.

      The Tea Party has been so dumped on by the left that any relevant argument the Tea Party even represents is totally lost on most liberals. This is of course intentional. Rush Limbaugh did the same thing with the anti-war movement. But the mis-representation of the tea party is totally mainstream, you see it on CNN and sadly enough even sometimes from Obama.

      I’m a liberal and totally disagree with most of the tea parties messages by the way. I think we need high spending and I realize that will mean high taxes on the middle class (the rich alone can’t possibly pay down even current spending). I’m against the freedom not to have health care, I think we should have a mandated single payer system. But I want to have a debate on these points instead of just lying about what my opponent thinks and calling them a racist.

      • +1 Vote -1 Vote +1Martha
        October 8, 2010 at 8:29 am

        Bruce, you have a lot to say. Your main and repeated point seems to be that the views of the tea party are being misrepresented, especially by liberals, and you wish to debate the issues.

        Setting aside that you don’t seem to understand that ‘liberal’ and ‘left’ are only the same word if you are living in the United States, let’s focus on some basic shared understanding of terms. The term ‘liberal’ in the United States has shifted, as explained by someone else on this thread. Liberals traditionally emphasized the value of individual rights and equality, and the role of the state in protecting these rights. In other words, the priority of these rights would define state action. In contemporary usage in the United States, the term ‘liberal’ is now used to describe actions that would increase the scope for state actions in other areas e.g. education and healthcare. Since goods are now also considered rights, the scope of the actions of the liberal state have expanded to include increasing economic intervention. Those interventions stand for state capitalism, not the planned economy of socialist (leftist) beliefs. And some conservatives will share some of your views since some types of conservatives traditionally support state power.

        So you’re a liberal. And you want to fairly debate with conservatives. Good.

        Now… the tea party. The tea party is unself-consciously unrecognizable as a coherent political perspective. It is corporate-driven and that’s about it. It has perhaps the most underdeveloped political understanding of any current ‘political’ movement. As a result of this incoherence, it has gained some traction with Americans in distress, despite its aristocratic support for big business and brutal cuts to social supports. Such as it is, the tea party is being fairly represented as completely unthinking.

        Perhaps you didn’t really get (or don’t want to get) this clever satire? It’s all understood and reflected in the criticism, and many of the comments.

  35. Vote -1 Vote +1Jasinacus
    October 7, 2010 at 12:23 pm

    Wonder who will be laughing on November 2nd?

  36. -4 Vote -1 Vote +1David
    October 7, 2010 at 12:31 pm

    Wow, your opinion piece really convinced me that European-style Socialism is the way to enlightenment. Thanks Mr. Blog Man!

    Sacred tenants:
    1. Diversity (code for discriminate against the WASP at all costs)
    2. Open borders (one world socialist/labor movement)
    3. Government run health care (once big piece of socialism implemented, cannot go back)
    4. Class warfare (divide and conquer, rich vs poor, forced equality)
    5. Anti-religion (the state is now god).
    6. Green movement (paint capitalism and consumerism as evil while
    pushing for global taxation–power grab.)
    7. Make up lies about perceived threats (ends justifies the means)

  37. +2 Vote -1 Vote +1Erik Haun
    October 7, 2010 at 12:38 pm

    OK did anyone republican or democrat think Obama could fix the disaster in this country even if he goes 8 yrs? Tea Party??? who even listens to that nonsense The use a reference of “blowjobs” where Clinton is concerned. They are a joke! Just what we needed a Tea Party LOL We need leadership!

  38. +2 Vote -1 Vote +1Erik Haun
    October 7, 2010 at 12:44 pm

    Tea Party go away Take Sarah Palin with you!!

  39. +1 Vote -1 Vote +1LargoLagg
    October 7, 2010 at 1:59 pm

    Let me elucidate on the points you couldn’t figure out:

    “Large masses of land surrounding the current Unites States were also created, for purposes known only in heaven.” Actually, these masses of land were created to support “big government” humans. Native Americans practiced decentralized government for thousands of years before Europeans arrived. They avoided the wars, religious conflicts and currency meltdowns that dogged the early European socialists. This continent was meant to be a haven for freedom-loving peoples. Those peoples (who descended from monkeys, by the way) who needed the nanny state had all that surrounding land designated for them. Having exhausted the supply of people to loot from, they came to America with dreams of massive wealth redistribution.

    So, actually, God did have a special purpose for this land, it was to be the home of the brave and the free. God’s plan is marred when the European looters invaded. You don’t even recognize yourselves in history. Socialists and their ilk destroyed and pillaged Indian society.

    The Constitution contains this clause, Amendment I: Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof… As a result, liberals turned to the court to prohibit the free exercise of religion. Nothing in there about the courts, only the Congress.

    In the Civil War Era, Republicans led the charge against Democrats, northern and souther, to eradicate slavery. Slavery came from the European looter tradition, and the religion-free African culture. It was virtually unknown to Native Americans, whose captives were quickly assimilated into the tribal family. Unfortunately, freed slaves eventually traded freedom for the security of big government’s lure of food stamps, housing vouchers and terrible schools. Just like with the massa of old, they cling to a need to be provided with food, shelter and and to be denied a proper education. In fact, to this day, African descendants look to big government for succor and answers, not recognizing that decades have passed without much change. Anyway, during Reconstruction, the KKK was established as the terrorist arm of the Democrat party. With the loss of Senator Byrd (D-WV), the last of the heroes of old are almost gone. Harry “Obama sure does articulate his words good” Reid remains the last known overt racist in the Democrat party.

    The author forgot about the early 1900’s. This is when America was fundamentally changed. An income tax was adopted, to allow for the growth of government. A promise was made to tax only profits, not wages. Rates were set very, very low. The FED was created, to allow bankers to loot money through inflation/recession cycles. Senators became beholden to the people, eviscerating the interest of the States (in the United “States”, imagine that) and set the stage for massive unfunded mandates later in the century. Within 15 years after all these things were put in place, a terrible GREAT DEPRESSION soon ensued. Most people didn’t (and don’t) make the connection, and liberals used the crisis they created to consolidate power and change: “Good thing all these tools are in place to fix the GREAT DEPRESSION! – How lucky is that!?!” Liberals also invented a new PONZI SCHEME, named after Democrat hero Charles “Social Security” Ponzi. Having learned from Ponzi’s early missteps, Democrats required all to participate, reduced the promised return from 50% to close to zero, and delayed payout to investors for decades. Thus, the shelf life of the government sponsored Ponzi scheme was extended to almost 100 years. While the chickens from all these innovations are coming home to roost today, its architects of these changes are all dead, having enjoyed power and influence during their lifetime, consigning to hell we who came after.

    At the end of the pre-WWII period, Democrat President hero Franklin Delano “two terms aint good enough for me” Roosevelt also conceived and implemented a plan to pack the courts, resulting in vast expansion of federal powers.

    WWII – The events that led to Pearl Harbor include the Democrat embargo of industrial goods against Japan, Democrat Neutrality Treaty between US and Soviets, Democrat’s Japanese Asset freeze (i.e., LOOTING) of 1941. During WWII, a great drumbeat went across the land, demanding Patriotism from everybody. The Democrat President and other leaders of the country jailed Japanese (“JAPS”) and changed a basic tenet of the income tax. Wages would now be temporarily taxed, because it was “patriotic” to do so. (Didn’t know that, did you, liberals?)

    During the war, Native American “codetalkers” were enlisted precisely because they did speak a language understood by nobody – the language of their free ancestors. Eventually, the war was ended by Democratic hero, President Truman, who deployed two WMDs against those pesky Japs. His credited total kills is exceeded only by those of Stalin, Pol Pot, and Hitler. The word “temporarily” was redefined to mean “permanently” and the income tax as we know it today was created.

    The Civil Rights Era. Actually, a LOT of racism lingered since the Civil War. Democrat hero George Wallace drew the line with his principled stance against “THEM”. The KKK remained alive and well, and almost 100% Democrat. Democrat KKK leader Robert Byrd led an ultimately unsuccessful filibuster of the 1964 Civil Rights Act, which was defeated by Republican mongrel Everett Dirksen. Democrat icon Byrd later went on to bear the distinction of being the last politician to ever utter the “n-word” derisively on a National news program, on March 5, 2001. Interestingly enough, his proud Democrat achievement was accomplished on Fox News Sunday.

    The late 1970’s ushered in a new era of taxation, spending, regulation and American malaise. Democrat president Jimmy “lust in my heart” Carter, rode a wave of inflation and interest rates to the first one-term Presidency in quite some time. Setting the stage for Ronald Reagan, Obama mentor and template-in-chief Carter introduced innovations such as Gasoline Rationing, beating-off rabbits (“lust in my heart”), starving the Russians, an Olympic boycott, failed arms talks and the endless hostage crisis. Indirect benefits of Mr. Carter’s term included Billy Beer. Interestingly, people with cash (rich people) became enormously richer during the Carter years due to double-digit inflation rates. Borrowers suffered mightily under this People’s President.

    Despised Republican President Ronald Reagan turned the Carter years on its head. The initial reaction of left-leaning social justice advocates was the attempted assassination of both the Pope and the President. Liberal thinkers concluded that the world would be a better place without these two men, but were thwarted by an unknown higher power.

    The hostages were returned home in the first three minutes of the Reagan presidency. Inflation and interest was tamed. Domestic oil production soared. Trade was reopened with the Russians, who were defeated in Afghanistan. Successful arms reduction talks were concluded. The Berlin wall crumbled and the Soviet Union collapsed. Socialists worldwide, including the Democrats in the United States were left agog by the damage that Reagan did to the nanny state and its image.

    In the Bush years, America taught politicians that tax promises needed to be kept. Nothing much else happened, except that America won its first war against Saddam Hussein.

    For the first two years in the Democrat hero Clinton presidency, Clinton was mired in controversy – he had difficulty finding an honest Attorney General. Travelgate, Whitewater and Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell dominated the headlines. Universal Healthcare rose and fell undone. Suicide and sexual harassment were hobbies of the new administration. Despised Republicans took control of Congress, and between pussy-flavored cigars, Clinton declared his Presidency relevant. His new Republican allies brought the country to a new prosperity using a mixture of tax cuts and innovative economic policy. The left, aghast at who might be given credit for this economic miracle, denied the very existence of the Republican Congress, and assisted by the mainstream media, gave all credit to Clinton. Clinton served two terms, six under the benefit of Republican control. His first two years are by and large forgotten, and are a forbidden topic in most Democrat circles.

    The Bush years were marked early on by a sneak attack on America by Muslims. The liberal left was temporarily shaken from its dreamlike state, and gave vast powers and support to the young President. Where they financial industry was brought to a halt for days, and the stock market was closed, and air traffic came to a halt, and economic activity shut down for an extended period, the Bush years were marked largely by prosperity. However, Mr. Bush, for all his warrior instincts, spent borrowed money without regard to the future. In time, another crisis marked the end of his Presidency, and while that time no physical damage occurred, he set the stage for the ascension of an historic figure to the Presidency.

    Community organizer and Democrat racially acceptable half-black hero Barack Hussein Obama promised the nation Hope and Change. He championed a new economic direction that would usher in a new era of economic prosperity and social justice. His economic innovation was a clever twist on the old politics of tax and spend and blame America first. Obama would be the first President ever to lead the nation by borrowing and spending, and blaming America first, without increasing taxes, except for the taxes raised in Obama’s new healthcare legislation. Nobody has read the entire bill since its signing, so it remains to be seen what is actually in the bill.

    To be continued.

    • -2 Vote -1 Vote +1Bruce
      October 7, 2010 at 9:48 pm

      Good post. I’d note also that you clearly came out against Bush’s deficit spending.

      Most of my fellow leftists argue that the tea party = Bush and that the tea party loved Bush’s spending. They didn’t, and they regularly denounce it as you just did.

      I don’t agree with you on policy stuff, but I just wanted you to know that not all liberals are total a*hoIes out to misrepresent and lie about the what the common tea-party type person believes. I have respect for you, I just disagree with you. 🙂

    • +2 Vote -1 Vote +1eric
      October 8, 2010 at 10:16 am

      This was fun until I realized that you actually believed it. Then I just sort of did a double-take.

      One of the golden rules of satire is that there should be a kernel of truth to it. For example, “J. Edgar Hoover insulted my mother by not hiding a microphone in their bedroom” is funnier than saying the same thing with “Jane Fonda” because, you know, Hoover actually had microphones in people’s bedrooms. Similarly, “European socialists came to america” isn’t funny because while you could conceivably redefine “socialist” retroactively (hint: the word didn’t exist back then) to construe the people who STAYED as socialists, you have to be willfully ignorant of American history to think that about the people who were already here. (And, BTW, native american cultures were generally pretty darn “socialist.” Which you’d know if you’d read farther than the revisionist crypto-libertarian nonsense in _Education of Little Tree_. Just sayin’.)

      “The initial reaction of left-leaning social justice advocates was the attempted assassination of both the Pope and the President.” See previous: John Paul II was shot at by a religious fanatic, and Reagan by a nut case who’s only recorded opinions on Reagan were positive.

      “…Roosevelt also conceived and implemented a plan to pack the courts…” misses the part in your history lesson where you should have learned that he didn’t actually get to implement that plan — the Supreme Court ruled it unconstitutional.

      So much of this stuff is comical at a meta-level. For example, when Carter boycotts the olympics because the Russians invaded Afghanistan, it’s comical; but if Reagan had done it, it would have been, what?

      The overall impression this leaves me with is basically that of a series of disconnected stream-of-consciousness ranting, without any attempt at internal consistency. (That’s another thing about good satire: It hangs together. Major parts of your own screed contradict one another, much as tea party ideology is internally contradictory.)

    • Vote -1 Vote +1maf
      October 11, 2010 at 2:48 pm

      LargoLagg makes a few so so points , considering his rather thick head!

  40. Pingback:

    Vote -1 Vote +1Calorie Counter to Lose Weight

  41. Vote -1 Vote +1L.D.C.
    October 10, 2010 at 7:20 pm

    Due Diligence: 80% of current National Debt was borrowed and spent during republican reign.
    Check it out: reagan started with less than a trillion (still too much) but ended with 3.6 trillion (and that was during a time when a trillion would buy something. w spent 9 trillion and left payables open for his war folly. Obama has spent a trillion to keep us from completely falling over the edge — it may not have been enough and it may have been too much.

  42. Vote -1 Vote +1maf
    October 11, 2010 at 2:44 pm

    The term, “Tea Party patriots” is an oxymoron. These so called patriots are standing with one foot in the mud of sedition and the other foot in the mire of treason. Ten dollars to a donut that these “patriots” don’t even know the meaning of sedition or treason. Duh!

  43. Vote -1 Vote +1BadBob
    October 12, 2010 at 4:11 am

    “It always, inherently, leads to extra-marital, taxpayer subsidized blow jobs.”

    You say this is what’s wrong with liberalism. I don’t understand. OK, I can understand the extra-marital part, but isn’t the rest of it a goal we should get up for?

You must be logged in to post a comment Login